It Really Isn’t Me, It’s You: Spotting High Conflict Personalities and Emotional Immaturity.

What are childish behaviors in adults? Someone's psychological or emotional age is often evident in emotional reactions and habits. Signs of emotional childishness include emotional escalations, blaming, lies, and name-calling. Someone who is emotionally childish may also have poor impulse control, need to be the center of attention, or engage in bullying. They Do Not Empathize – An emotionally immature person does not empathize with others' emotions and feelings and may seem self-centered. It is about fulfilling their needs, and they seldom apologize for hurting people with their actions or words. It Really Isn’t Me, It’s You: Spotting High Conflict Personalities and Emotional Immaturity. Many emotionally immature individuals behave like children or adolescents. This may not be intentional, but due to limitations or deficits in their maturity. While most people have their moments, questions to explore in assessing maturity include: Do they act mature in interactions? Do they throw chronic tantrums? Do they shut down consistently? Do they cut off or stop talking to you abruptly? Are they emotionally insensitive? Are they concrete in their thinking patterns? (black, white, etc). Emotionally immature people may lack emotional sensitivity, behave in a self-preoccupied manner, and may cause you to question your reality. You may find communication difficult to even impossible. Therefore, it is important to acknowledge and recognize the signs so you can deal with them accordingly. The following are characteristics that may help you recognize emotional immaturity and deal with it effectively. The purpose of this article is not to diagnose people unless you are a qualified mental health professional. However, it is helpful to be able to spot emotional immaturity in others to handle the situation both realistically and tactfully. CHARACTERISTICS OF EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PEOPLE Chronic self-absorbed/self-preoccupied behavior- they think of themselves first Limited or complete lack of empathy Lack of guilt/remorse Disregard your well-being/safety and those you love They do what feels best- they do not learn from past mistakes, and continue to repeat behavior that has negative consequences Lack self-reflection Inability to take your perspective (stand in your shoes) History of conflict and drama in relationships History of denying reality due to affective realism (reality is what it feels like, versus what it is). History of distorting reality (making up a new narrative about a situation) to deal with it History of impulsive behavior (more feeling than thinking, so they do what feels best) Enmeshment in relationships instead of emotional intimacy May focus on physical things versus emotional They do not do emotional work They do not know how to repair relationships effectively https://www.drtracyhutchinson.com/it-really-isnt-me-its-you-spotting-high-conflict-personalities-and-emotional-immaturity/ Can You Spot 10 Signs of a Childish Adult? SOME PEOPLE ARE DEVELOPMENTALLY DELAYED IN THE MANAGEMENT OF THEIR EMOTIONS. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201603/can-you-spot-10-signs-childish-adult 7 Signs of Immaturity That Therapists Say Folks Can Grow Out of at Any Age. Many possible reasons point to why you might be holding onto immature behaviors, including being rewarded for being immature, being surrounded by other not-so-mature people, having an abusive upbringing, or not having mature role models while growing up, says clinical psychologist John E. Mayer, PhD, author of Family Fit: Find Your Balance in Life. https://www.wellandgood.com/signs-immaturity/ WHAT ARE THE SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF CONDUCT DISORDER? Characteristic behaviors of conduct disorder develop gradually over time. Children with conduct disorder tend to be impulsive and difficult to manage. They don’t seem to be concerned about the feelings of other people. SIGNS OF CONDUCT DISORDER IN ADULTS. Adults who have conduct disorder may have difficulty keeping a job or maintaining relationships. They may be prone to illegal or dangerous behavior. Symptoms of conduct disorder in an adult may be diagnosed as antisocial personality disorder. The effect of conduct disorder on adult social functioning in the areas of work, sexual/love relationships, social relationships and criminality was studied in a sample of young adults who spent much of their childhoods in group-cottage children's homes and an inner-city comparison group. Most subjects with conduct disorder had pervasive (but not necessarily severe) social difficulties compared to peers without conduct disorder. Less than half of this group met DSM-III adult criteria for antisocial personality disorder and just over half were given a diagnosis of personality disorder on interviewer clinical ratings. A latent class model that used both the retrospective and contemporaneous indicators of conduct disorder confirmed the very high continuity with adult social difficulties. Current diagnoses did not adequately describe this group and conduct disorder appeared to be an almost necessary condition for multiple social disability in adults in these samples. https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/psychological-medicine/article/abs/outcome-of-childhood-conduct-disorder-implications-for-defining-adult-personality-disorder-and-conduct-disorder/ABC6ACD079A7FD88D9C20F152B3E7E78 Antisocial personality disorder is a particularly challenging type of personality disorder characterised by impulsive, irresponsible and often criminal behaviour. Someone with antisocial personality disorder will typically be manipulative, deceitful and reckless, and will not care for other people's feelings. Psychopaths are considered to have a severe form of antisocial personality disorder. https://youtu.be/ww47bR86wSc The four core behaviors of conduct disorder include: Aggression toward people and animals and/or violating others’ basic rights. Destruction of property. Deceiving, lying and/or stealing. Serious violations of rules. Signs of aggressive behavior toward others include: Bullying. Physical violence (potentially with a weapon). Verbal fights. Threatening. Forcing sexual activity. Blaming others for their own behavior. Hurting animals. Signs of the destruction of property include: Intentionally setting fires. Vandalizing or destroying others’ property. Signs of deceiving, lying and stealing include: Lying to get a favor or to avoid responsibilities. Stealing from individual people or stores. Breaking into houses or businesses. Signs of violations of rules include: Breaking rules without clear reason. Not going to school (truancy). Running away from home. Frequently breaking any rules set by their parents. Other common signs of conduct disorder include: Heavy alcohol drinking and/or heavy substance use. Engaging in frequent and risky sex. Becoming easily frustrated. Making no effort to hide their aggressive behaviors. Not showing remorse for their actions. Difficulty making and maintaining friendships. It’s important to note that occasional rebellious behavior is common during childhood and adolescence. The signs and symptoms that lead to the diagnosis of conduct disorder demonstrate a disruptive and repetitive pattern. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23924-conduct-disorder https://youtu.be/ww47bR86wSc What Does Oppositional Defiant Disorder Look Like in Adults? An adult with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) may feel mad at the world, and lose his temper regularly — even daily. This may manifest as road rage or verbal abuse. It may cause tension with authority figures, and trouble at work. It may tear apart relationships. Here is what you need to know about oppositional defiant disorder and its overlap with ADHD. OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER IN ADULTS Adults with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) display a pattern of negative, hostile, and defiant behavior that lasts at least six months and includes four (or more) of the following symptoms: Often loses temper Often argues with family and coworkers Actively defies or refuses to comply with rules and laws Deliberately annoys people Blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior Easily annoyed by others Angry and resentful Spiteful or vindictive Adults with ODD are more than just aggressive and irritating from time to time. They feel mad at the world every day, and lose their temper regularly. This may manifest as verbal abuse or road rage. Adults with ODD defend themselves relentlessly when someone says they’ve done something wrong. They feel misunderstood and disliked, hemmed in, and pushed around. Constant opposition to authority figures makes it difficult for adults with ODD to keep jobs and to maintain relationships and marriages. They are particularly quick to anger, they are impatient, and they have a low tolerance for frustration. They see themselves as mistreated, misunderstood, and unappreciated. They see themselves as the victim rather than the cause of the pain in the family system. CAUSES OF OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER IN ADULTS. ODD has a strongly genetic component. It runs in families and several people in the same family may be affected. It often begins in childhood with patterns of rebellion against adults and their rules. Some children with ODD outgrow the condition by age eight or nine. But about half of them continue to experience symptoms of ODD through adulthood. People with ODD report feeling angry all of the time, and about 40 percent of them become progressively worse and develop antisocial personality disorder. Understanding ODD can help provide a neurological explanation for gut-wrenching feelings, and is an important first step to finding treatment. SYMPTOMS OF OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER IN ADULTS AT HOME. Your spouse seems overly argumentative. Your roommate is unnecessarily hostile. These and other common manifestations of ODD may be apparent at home: Always needs to win the argument with a parent or spouse Continues to fight against ‘the man’ — authority figures and society Leaves socks on the floor just because he knows it annoys his roommate Cited for disorderly conduct by police Involved in bar brawls or physical altercations in public Has a hair-trigger temper — the littlest thing can set her off SYMPTOMS OF OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER IN ADULTS AT WORK. These or similar manifestations of ODD may be apparent at work: Near constant arguments with a boss or coworkers Commonly feeling oppressed by office rules Purposely engaging in behaviors that irritate coworkers, like eating smelly foods for lunch Sanctioned by human resources for violating company policies Fired for being physically aggressive with coworkers in heated moments Has meltdowns during meetings or annual reviews after receiving constructive criticism https://www.additudemag.com/oppositional-defiant-disorder-in-adults/ Can ADHD adults have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)? Ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed 30 years in a row? Most people experience days where they’re more aggressive than usual — possibly because of a difficult day at school or work, or perhaps they just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. However, those feelings typically disappear after taking time to calm down and re-assess the situation… unless there’s something deeper affecting their mood and demeanor. For some children and adults, their defiant behaviors cause problems at work, school, and home. If it's persistent, children may be diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD); but what about adults? Can adults have ODD? Let's examine the symptoms and causes of ODD, and determine whether ADHD adults can have the condition. WHAT IS OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER? Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is a behavioral disorder often found in young children under age 12. Children with ODD tend to be defiant, and frequently express anger and hostility towards loved ones, friends, and authority. Put simply, ODD is a temperament and behavioral disorder that affects a child's ability to develop healthy relationships with others.1 ODD is a commonly diagnosed behavioral disorder in children. It’s estimated that 1-16% of adolescents will develop ODD,2 with boys diagnosed more commonly than girls. However, this gender imbalance in diagnoses is most likely due to the typical gender differences in ODD presentations, which will be discussed later on. THE TRANSITION FROM CHILDHOOD TO ADULTHOOD ODD ODD arises in early adolescence and lasts anywhere from a few months to an entire lifetime. Before ODD was added to the DSM in 1980*, those displaying ODD symptoms were typically diagnosed with psychiatric conditions like attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), conduct disorder (CD), depression, or anxiety. ODD is more commonly found in adults with ADHD as opposed to those without ADHD. 43% of people with ADHD report a childhood history of oppositional defiance.3 Like children, ODD adults display behavioral patterns of aggression, hostility, and defiance towards others. *when ODD was first added to the DSM III, it was oppositional disorder (OD); in 1987, the DSM III-R was published, where the name of the condition was changed to ODD https://www.getinflow.io/post/adhd-adults-oppositional-defiant-disorder-odd Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) in Adults. Adults with oppositional defiant disorder often have an extremely poor circle of social support. They also tend to have problems keeping their jobs. Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) in adults is more common than you might think. People with this condition are always angry. They’re addicted to arguments, easily lose their temper, and experience problems within their family and social circle as well as at work. In fact, although this psychological condition tends to be more frequently associated with the child population, it’s also relatively common for it to continue into adulthood. As a matter of fact, it’s extremely common for a defiant child to develop an antisocial personality disorder over the years. However, a lack of temperamental control in maturity leads to somewhat more of a problematic psychological reality. Indeed, this kind of type of opposition to authority in adulthood borders on far more challenging and dangerous types of behavior. For this reason, it’s not a minor problem and the figures are worrying. In fact, it’s estimated that oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) affects between five percent and 15 percent of the school population. However, a good number of the cases aren’t diagnosed. Therefore, it’s extremely common for people to reach 20, 30, or 40 years of age exhibiting the kind of behavior that’s as adverse as it’s conflictive. https://exploringyourmind.com/oppositional-defiant-disorder-odd-in-adults/ Parenting an Adult Child with ODD. Don’t Rely on Your ODD Adult to Change. If your ODD child seems to have grown into an ODD adult—with the same old behavior that has driven you crazy in the past—here are some tips that can help: 1. ACCEPT THAT THIS MAY BE YOUR CHILD’S PERSONALITY — EVEN AS AN ADULT Some kids do “outgrow” their ODD behavior. For ODD kids, giving up control feels like drowning, and they will fight with parents, teachers and any authority figure until the bitter end. Many ODD kids go on to pursue their dreams successfully in this world: Goldie Hawn, Cher, and Steve Jobs are just a few examples. That strong, stubborn spirit and tenacity can translate into the strength and drive it takes to survive and change the world. One ODD kid we know went on to become a very successful lawyer — when she was ready and on her own terms. Her mom’s response? “Well, she always did know how to win an argument!” On the other hand, some kids will continue to fight against authority figures in society as adults. https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/when-they-dont-leave-at-18-parenting-an-adult-child-with-odd/ Carl Sagan Sort Of Predicted The Rise Of Donald Trump 25 Years Ago. For many, 2016 was a year to forget – a year when people eschewed the views of somehow maligned “experts” in favor of soundbites and populist rhetoric. If only we’d seen it coming, eh? Well, it turns out that the late astronomer Carl Sagan may have predicted this era of distrust in authority figures – of sorts. As a number of people have picked up online, Sagan made an eerie prediction in his 1995 book The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark that seems to echo the events of the past year. https://www.iflscience.com/carl-sagan-sort-of-predicted-the-rise-of-donald-trump-20-years-ago-40014 Carl Sagan Predicts the Decline of America: Unable to Know “What’s True,” We Will Slide, “Without Noticing, Back into Superstition & Darkness” (1995) https://www.openculture.com/2017/01/carl-sagan-predicts-the-decline-of-america.html Opinion | The Supreme Court Wants to End the Separation of Church and State. Justice Alito doesn’t think society is Christian enough. Recent court decisions show how he intends to remedy that. https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2022/08/10/supreme-court-separation-of-church-and-state-00050571 U.S. Supreme Court takes aim at separation of church and state. https://www.reuters.com/legal/government/us-supreme-court-takes-aim-separation-church-state-2022-06-28/ Pastor Called Democrats 'Demons.' You cannot be a Christian and vote Democrat in this nation. They are God-denying demons that butcher babies and hate this nation." https://www.newsweek.com/pastor-greg-locke-claims-he-gave-tax-exempt-status-church-1709615 Trump Supporter "Biden Worships the Devil, That's How He Stole the Election!" https://youtu.be/QHBRlQzDbfk About that portal to Hell hovering over the White House. Roger Stone said it first appeared when President Biden moved in. Your man in Washington went to investigate. https://www.bostonglobe.com/2022/12/23/opinion/about-that-portal-hell-hovering-over-white-house/ https://youtu.be/CYuhP2X73Vs Marjorie Taylor Greene Dodges Real Issue And Blames ‘Evil Forces’ For Shootings https://youtu.be/VXArVBphg-g Bonhoeffer‘s Theory of Stupidity. Dietrich Bonhoeffer (executed by the Nazis in 1945) argued that stupid people are more dangerous than evil ones. This is because while we can protest against or fight evil people, against stupid ones we are defenseless as all attempts at reason fall on deaf ears. https://youtu.be/ww47bR86wSc Carl Sagan predicted our Trump era future. He was concerned about this danger that we may call "great progress" but there's a real chance that we could fall apart. There are too many forces aligned against us. I think what we're seeing right now is a kind of "coming true" of what he said. There is a danger, increasingly, that we're in a post fact society where it seems my ignorance is as good as your facts. Where there's no one who can really argue what's true anymore because science is being devalued, and there are scientists who are being told that they have to submit their work to political advisers as opposed to just following what's true. Science is more than a body of knowledge. It is a way of thinking. I have a foreboding of an America in my children's or grandchildren's time when the United States as a service and information economy, when nearly all the key manufacturing industries have slipped away to other countries, when awesome technological powers are in the hands of a very few, and no one representing the public interest can even grasp the issues. When the people have lost the ability to set their own agendas or knowledgeably question those in authority, when, clutching our crystals and nervously consulting our horoscopes, our critical faculties in decline, unable to distinguish between what feels good and what's true, we slide, almost without noticing, back into superstition and darkness. - Carl Sagan https://www.cbc.ca/radio/quirks/u-s-scientists-turn-north-for-help-making-tomatoes-great-again-and-more-1.3954868/carl-sagan-predicted-our-trump-era-future-1.3954900 https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/carl-sagans-foreboding-of-an-america/ My favorite Sagan quote is this: "One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we've been bamboozled long enough we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We're no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It is simply to painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we've been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back." Carl Sagan. https://youtu.be/U8HEwO-2L4w